Blurred Lines of Authentic Expression

This article was written by Lisa Meuser, a Senior Facilitator/Trainer of the Living Inquiries. Her website is www.integrativehealingnow.com. I have a client who was biologically born female and changed into a male through hormone replacement and surgery in his early 20s. As he [1] was growing up in a female form, she knew she was different from his peers for the simple reason that she was not attracted to men. She acknowledged her attraction to females in her early teens, was openly gay during high school, and had relationships with females. She continued to feel different, however, feeling she never fit in. She felt rejected at large from society, and even though her family said they accepted her as gay, she never truly felt accepted by them, or good enough. There was a general state of discomfort, of unease, experienced. There is a lot to this story that is missing with regard to all the various factors that were involved in her decision to become male. For the purposes of this blog post, I’m going to fast-forward to current times, a few years after the transformation from female to male took place. When I met Tim [2], he was seeking services for anxiety. I engaged in a number of different modalities with clients, and after discussing options with Tim, we decided on Living Inquiries, using the ‘anxiety inquiry’ along with the ‘unfindable inquiry’ (http://www.integrativehealingnow.com/addictions.html).  A lot of Tim’s anxiety was found in self-identification thoughts such as, I’m the one who is a freak, the one who is not good enough, the one who fears rejection, and the one who doesn’t fit in. Such thought patterns and deficiency stories are not unique to Tim. I’ve yet to meet a human on the planet who doesn’t have deficiency stories that they experience from time to time. However, sometimes these stories are very active, and the mind/body then references these stories constantly. These stories start to take a life of their own—as if they really are true—and it can seem to the holder of these thoughts that that they determine our lives and our experiences. The result of this can be anxiety, compulsions, addictions, depression, physical ailment, and so on. Tim’s deficiency stories from his youth were still quite alive. His current issues were mainly about fitting in, or more accurately, not fitting in. He projected his anger and frustration about this out into the world, onto the various people in his life—from family members, to people at work to friends/lovers, to large political groups. No matter where he turned, he felt excluded and rejected. And as was stated earlier, Tim had literally changed himself in the biggest way imaginable—his gender.  He...

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